


In Absentia

by emrisemrisemris



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: AU, ME3, post-ME2, pre-ME3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 23:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emrisemrisemris/pseuds/emrisemrisemris
Summary: He'd been on Earth when theNormandycame home. Shepard wasn't on her.





	In Absentia

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [on Tumblr](https://emrisemrisemris.tumblr.com/post/161072525033/the-may-prompt-for-meflashfanwork-is-what-might) for the May 2017 #meflashfanwork theme, "What Might Have Been".

That first night away from Earth, Kaidan wandered the corridors of the  _ Normandy  _ like a ghost. She had the shape and skeleton of the SR-1, but her architecture had changed, walls where there used to be doors, turns that he took on autopilot and which led nowhere. The icon of EDI - that was what they called her - the ship's AI, winking on every control panel, in case you got lost, or found yourself awake at three o'clock in the morning accelerating superluminally away from the only place in the universe you wanted to be.

The last place he went was the captain's cabin. The familiar shudder of the elevator made his stomach turn. 

The door slid aside at his touch, and he stepped across the threshold and felt sick.

"Welcome to your cabin, Major." EDI said from somewhere overhead. "Your personal possessions are in the locker. The lighting controls are -"

"I know my way around," Kaidan said, and that was when the tears started streaming down his face.

*

He'd been on Earth when the  _ Normandy  _ came home. She broke stealth as she broke orbit, far closer than any ship should have been able to get without being picked up; he'd been on-base when Hackett's voice had burst over his comm:  _ I need you in the war room, Alenko, right now.  _

He'd stood there and listened to the hail, blood pounding in his ears.

"This is Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau of the SSV  _ Normandy - _ " and even over the broken signal he'd heard the ragged edge to Joker's voice "- commanding. Request landing and emergency debrief. Our weapons are disabled …"

"Why does  _ Joker  _ have the ship?" he'd whispered to Hackett, and felt the answer coalesce in the pit of his stomach like solidifying ice. 

" _ Normandy,  _ we hear you," Hackett had said. "We're clearing a flight path and landing bay for you. What's your status? Do you have casualties aboard?"

There was a terrible pause, an aching gap, before Joker's exhausted voice said "No. No, we don't."

*

"Why do you have a broken geth in your cargo hold?"

"Shepard kinda picked it up. You know what he's like." Joker shrugged, and then it came home to both of them that the present tense had ambushed them again. The pilot closed his eyes briefly and resumed "-  _ was  _ like. It talks. Or it did. His name's Legion." 

Kaidan opened his mouth to ask since when did geth have either pronouns or names, but Joker had kept going.

"- pulled it out of the wreckage before we jumped out. EDI says it's probably possible to reactivate it. Geth don't kill easily. I don't need to tell you that, do I?" Joker looked wretched, and then put his face in his hands. "Sorry, Kaidan."

"A geth with a personality?" Kaidan said.

"Yeah." Joker shrugged again, though the gesture was forced. "Basically."

"Was it there?" Kaidan looked from the pilot to the defunct robot, and back. "On the final mission, the one where - on the final mission, was it there?"

"Yeah," Joker said again.

*

"Between Lieutenant Moreau, Doctor Chakwas, and your own testimony, there's more than enough evidence for a posthumous conviction," Hackett said, without turning away from the window. "It's not conclusive. But it would be enough if it went to trial." He looked around. "That's not why I called you here, Major. Sit down."

"Sir," Kaidan said, and sat.

"I've had word from the Citadel," the Admiral said. "Their feeling is that as a Council race, humanity should be better represented in Council governance and bureaucracy. Most of those posts are civilian and will be filled in due time. However -"

Kaidan interrupted "This is about the Spectres, isn't it?" 

Hackett nodded. "It is. Your name has been put forward. Anderson has given his unqualified recommendation. I'd be happy to give mine. Say the word, and I'll put you on the first flight to the Citadel for your investiture ceremony."

"Wait," Kaidan said, unsettled. "Nominating a new Spectre takes months. At least. And approval by a serving member -"

"The Council have indicated that they are willing to waive some of the normal screening procedures under the current circumstances," Hackett said. "And would retroactively count your service with Shepard as your mentorship period."

Something about his tone made Kaidan look up sharply. "This doesn't feel right, Admiral. Since when have the Council given us these kinds of concessions?"

Hackett sighed. "This doesn't go outside these four walls, Major. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"The rest of the Council are pressuring Udina - and Udina is pressuring me and the rest of Alliance Command - to put that conviction to Shepard's name," Hackett said. "Posthumously strip his commission and Spectre status on charges of abuse of office, colluding with terrorists, and genocide. It placates the batarians and sends a strong message about our position on Cerberus. It's politically a very good move."

"Except for the part where none of it is true," Kaidan said flatly.

"Shepard isn't here to be tried," Hackett said. "And if he was guilty, he's paid for it. It'd end things neatly."

"That's the catch, isn't it?" Kaidan said, bitter. "That's the deal. Give the Council Shepard's reputation on a platter, and they'll waive some procedures so the humans can have a new Spectre. The Council get to look strong  _ and  _ magnanimous, and Udina can show his face at dinner parties again -"

"Be that as it may," Hackett said heavily, "they're right. We need a human face in the Spectres again, and we need someone now. The turian traditionalists are already arguing that humans can't be trusted with high Council office given what happened with Shepard."

Kaidan stood, and folded his arms. "If I say no -"

"I'd be disappointed, Major," Hackett said, "but we'd find someone else." He turned back to the window. "Think about it. I'll need a decision in the next couple of weeks."

*

The geth came awake between one blink and another, without visible change; just some ineffable alteration in the quality of the air that marked the difference between  _ dead  _ and  _ not dead.  _ It was a moment before its lights came on, stuttering patterns of white and blue threaded through its torso, and a minute before it spoke.

It looked up, craning its head around the room, and said "Major Kaidan Alenko?"

Kaidan had had a dozen first questions planned, and forgot all of them. "Wait, how do you know me?"

"The Commander spoke of you often," the geth said. "There was a picture of you on his desk. I am glad to have reached you."

Kaidan watched uncomprehendingly as it unfolded one multi-jointed arm and slid the hand, without any apparent discomfort or unease, into its own chest cavity. It unfastened some kind of compartment there and pried around inside, then withdrew its hand. Something silver was wrapped around the metal fingers.

"Shepard-Commander knew his odds of survival were low," the geth said, in that same matter-of-fact way. "He believed this unit would have the best chance of surviving the radiation blast that wiped out the Collector troops. It would appear that his guess was correct." It reached out, pressing its hand into Kaidan's before he could pull away. "He entrusted these to us when it became clear that we had run out of time. If possible, we were to return them to you."

It withdrew its hand, leaving a set of battered Alliance dogtags in Kaidan's palm.

 

*

The line of coffins stretched almost from one end of the hangar to the other. A handful were covered with the Alliance flag. Others had different flags, one bearing the angular imprimatur of the Turian Hierarchy; one, the emblems of the Quarian Migrant Fleet; one, the badge of the Salarian STG; one, an asari religious symbol. The rest were black.

Kaidan stood with Joker and Karin Chakwas as Hackett delivered the eulogy, Shepard's tags cold in nerveless fingers, not hearing a word.

*

"I'll do it," was all he said to Hackett in the end.

"Thank you, Major," was all Hackett said in response.

Two days afterwards, the Reapers came.

*

It wasn't the same bed. If anything was left of the old one, it was debris strewn across an alien snowscape with the rest of the SR-1. But it was the same cabin, the same  _ Normandy,  _ for all that she'd been rebuilt from the ground up, just as John had; and the very homeliness of her angles ached. 

Kaidan stood in the cabin that had been John Shepard's, and choked back what felt like two years' worth of tears.


End file.
